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Psychism, Astrology

Second Sight / Second Thoughts
by Paul Naras

She was probably about fifteen years old. Her face was flushed, a hint of perspiration on the upper lip, her eyes wide-open and charged with anticipation and attraction - and apprehension. No, she wasn't about to be kissed for the first time. She was awaiting what, in all likelihood, was her maiden audience with a psychic.

I guess a thousand years ago (when I was her age) life had been more elemental and artless in that the fears and fancies of my schoolmates were centered in the incessant present; in the fervent hope that those pimples would dematerialize before the next sock hop. I wondered if it was simple curiosity that had attracted so many young people to this particular psychic fair, or perhaps their heightened misgivings about the future, added to the increasing complexity of fending for oneself in modern times. After all, why expend all that mental energy studying for the History final if your personal history (or that of the entire planet) ends next Saturday at midnight?

Psychic fairs have popularized themselves in practically every major city in the country. Thousands of denizens cross the magic threshold into those auditoriums eager to ante up for a glimpse into the future, struggling to intuitively divine which of the dozens of otherworldly seers radiates the most promise and Delphic consciousness.

Let's face it - psychics bewitch and enthrall many of us. They foster and sustain that passion to know. Who isn't interested in ascertaining a prognosis for his or her fiscal/love life? Which of us doesn't have a singular quandary that craves professional decipherment? All of us want that 'insider information' that will put us a step ahead or lift us out of a personal slough of despond. We may be a little down, a little screwed up at the moment but as Alexander Pope reminded us - Hope springs eternal. And so demand creates supply. We have become mantic consumers. We devour psychics, channellers, astrologers and palmists as if our lives depended on it.

In this New Age there is the movement that epitomizes the new consciousness holistic paradigm and then there is the smoke and mirrors of psychism. It is the latter that attracts the most attention from media and the public at large and so now is as good a time as any to make a few comments on the subject.

Psychic awareness has nothing to do with the supernatural. It is a level of consciousness which everyone of us possesses but which is undeveloped or rudimentary (or can we say unacknowledged) in most of us. It is also no more or less dependable than our five mundane senses. The psychic sense can be just as deceptive as seeing mirages in the desert with our physical eyes.

Psychic ability may denote a certain level of evolvement but that does not necessarily mean that it is a required or consequential stage. The gift of seeing aura colors, glimpsing scenes from someone's past or future, and attuning with other dimensions can be 'cool' and even serviceable. It can also effectuate the kind of ego and pseudopower that is the product of miscomprehension and spiritual unsophistication.

The question that begs to be asked then is - What effect, if any, does prophecy/psychism have on individual reasoning and behavior? Without abnegating the fact that there are talented oracles out there, can this 'ability' be misconstrued and even prostituted? The treatise that follows is, admittedly, subjective but I have compiled a number of diversified points to ponder, examples, questions, suggestions, positives and a few fundamental pitfalls.

1. During a twenty year period I personally met and kept notes from the readings of about 25 seers. The results are in and they will not send the public stampeding to the nearest psychic. Strength was shown in one main area. Many of these people did a fairly good job pinpointing certain character traits and 'seeing' a number of events that had transpired in my past. When it came to predicting the future the most direct hits any one of the clairvoyants could manage was - one! (And I'm no mathematician but one out of ten or one out of twenty are not very good ratios). The majority of the psychics did not even get one right. Unlike department stores where you can return or exchange damaged goods if you're not satisfied, no psychic has any such policy.

Psychics who are genuinely gifted are today eclipsed by a boundless army of telepathic neophytes just getting their feet wet. Some of them have no idea that their profession, like any other, is also subject to prescript. And yet the forecasts ooze from their lips as if they were coming directly from God. Each prediction seems carved in stone.

In 1980 a well-known English psychic (who thought highly enough of himself to charge $100 for thirty minutes) told a friend of mine that her mother wasn't going "to be with us much longer", perhaps three months, and she would do well to get her affairs in order. Needless to say my friend was over-wrought for quite some time. Fortunately her mother was in no hurry to join her many comrades in Elysium and lived another 19 years.

The theory of predestination is not only illogical but, I feel, fallacious. There are probabilities but no sureties. Death is one of the few things that is quite inevitable - but the exact time is not listed on any cosmic calendar. And frightening people half to death is hardly constructive. In fact, trumpeters of doom and gloom should probably be avoided altogether. If you're a fatalist, if every day of your future is already scripted and waiting for you, then obviously you can't evade it. So why fight it, or even go to a psychic in the first place for that matter. Although many people have not realized it, we do have the power to govern and shape and create the course of our own lives. And every seer with an imperious fatalistic frame of mind should be urged to fully investigate more productive and ennobling professions - like washing dishes in a restaurant.

2. Can the psychic faculty be switched on and off like a radio? Many believe so, sitting for hours at a stretch, seeing one client after another. I remember a chum of mine singing the praises of one prognosticator who had actually divined one particular event in her life. But, looking back over the years, she now had to acknowledge that he made a dozen other assorted predictions that hadn't even come close to the mark.

Psychic reliability can deviate substantially. Many celebrated seers (motivated by pride rather than by a higher selfless resolve) have built their reputations on a few successful predictions. What about the subsequent misfires? One triumphant prophecy will not necessarily be followed by another. Just because the psychic was right about your friend Hazel doesn't mean that he will be right about you. And that one specific wrong prediction could end up playing a preponderant role in your life. It is human nature to laud the victories and to obliterate the defeats. Sometimes we have this overwhelming blind impulse to trust, to believe.

3. Every television set picks up signals but the clarity of the image hinges on the soundness and quality of the apparatus itself. A heightened well-developed intuition separates the prophet from the rest of us. Psychic impressions flow through the subconscious and explode into objective daylight. Psychics are interpreters. Feelings and symbols and pictures are translated into objective bread-and-butter terms and pronouncements.

But has the sibyl in front of you interpreted correctly? Or was the message a bit muddled? The information received can only be as pure and precise as the perceptivity of the receiver herself. And what role do her own repressed thoughts, emotions and prejudices play in the interpretive process? Is she by nature an optimist or has she been auguring the end of the world for the last twenty years? A faulty interpretation can have grim ramifications and a fuzzy ambiguous one may not be utilizable at all.

To further complicate matters, how certain can you be that you're not walking home with someone else's forecast? One reader was adamant that I was a twin. The impression was just so powerful. I had to practically take a family photo out of my wallet to get him to change the subject. Later that afternoon I was discussing the reading with a woman who had been waiting in the next room during my session. It so happened she had a twin sister.

4. There are more questions than answers when it comes to the subject of trance channelling. We all realize there are manifold levels of consciousness but who is actually speaking? Superconsciousness? The universal archetypal unconscious? Discarnate entities (earthbound elementals, spirit guides, angels and so on)? The Akashic record? One's Higher Self? There are theories but no consensus. Channelling is an intuitive communion with the Cosmic wellspring, with universal intelligence, say some believers. It's hypnogenetic psychobabble reply the skeptics.

From the old school Edgar Cayce and Jane Roberts were rather remarkable human beings and lived interesting lives. But what do you know about the channeller you're about to see? Is this person leading a life of unpretentious service to humanity or is he/she usually secreted behind public relations managers and overseers and raking in the dollars while simply disgorging metaphysical potluck?

5. Cayce had always stipulated that he was tapping into a supranatural Source (Higher Self) - and that he was never channelling other entities (unlike many today who seem almost proud of the fact that they are willing receptacles for any wandering astral spook who happens to be passing by). Cayce had ambivalent feelings, to say the least, about mediumship. Yet today there are scores of channellers who seem all too eager to surrender wakeful consciousness. And many are balking at accepting any responsibility for the message (that advice came from KRAP-RA, an ancient Egyptian high priest; I was just his unconscious pawn). This is a cop-out. Channellers have to be accountable.

Let us assume that spirit guides do exist. This begs the question - What is their agenda? The channeller is getting big bucks and so, what is the entity receiving from all this? How much personal unfoldment can possibly take place while performing as a passive transmitter? Instead of blotting out one's self in order to provide a service shouldn't one be pursuing conscious development, having faith in one's own potential? Can you trust an unfamiliar uninvestigated guide more so than your own spiritual insight? Each one of us should be evolving our own connection with the Cosmic All. So why bother with lower (and perhaps quite mischievous) entities?

6. Some observers are saying - Who cares where the product is coming from. The questions to ask should be - Are the instructions usable? Is the message enlightening? Having perused a number of books containing the latest channelled information I did not walk away overly impressed. All of this 'new' material seemed vaguely familiar. There was the usual fluff and drivel, some totally unfathomable esotericism, and specious and even imbecilic notions. There were some passages that struck a responsive chord - but again the spiritual discernment was not that dissimilar from sentiments contained in other books I had read before (by conscious thinking writers). It would be remiss of me not to mention that I did come across a few channellers who have published recent monographs and texts that have excited me to the bone. Their names will not be published here because again, my truth may not be your truth. The only final caveat I can offer regarding any or all of this material is in its thoughtless absorption. Always chew before you swallow!

7. Suggestible subservient people have the most to lose when it comes to dealing with psychics. We have all heard stories of accidents, deaths, healthy individuals getting sick, etc., because some thought/prediction had either subjugated them or wormed its way into their subconscious. A prophecy can become an autosuggestion (personally or universally) making us deliberate and conduct ourselves in a certain way. Many people accept predictions outright - often resigning themselves to something they do not even desire.

If you're thinking of trying your hand at automatic writing or purchasing a Ouija board - perhaps you should think again. Research has confirmed a variety of psychologically damaging consequences - although this involves a very small percentage of psychic dabblers and, again, probably involves those individuals who are the most suggestible, perhaps already a bit unbalanced, or simply just spiritually and physically frail (aura/immune system).

8. Don't meekly resign yourself to the forecast by accepting everything you have been told. Cull and glean as the spirit moves you. Which part of the message rings true in your gut? Then - take action! The psychic can only point out some possibilities. You still have to do the work. If you are told you have the potential to be an author - well, that book won't write itself. And you're not going to meet your soul mate sitting in your bedroom. Even positive readings can be unsound and deceptive (since they fall upon the subjective ears of the client). One woman I knew was told that all she had to do was be patient. There would be a man in her life within months. She was ecstatic. She waited. I think she is still waiting. A reading is valueless if you're not prepared to actualize the injunctions and recommendations.

9. Don't ask too many of the wrong questions. People always seem to want to know about work, love and money (asking for lucky lottery numbers is quite abominable and unproductive). Whatever happened to asking for assistance and suggestions for friends or family members? Or ascertaining how you can best be of service to others? Or how you can more cognitively evolve socially, emotionally and spiritually?

10. I personally feel that most psychics are well-meaning and sincere in their desire to serve humanity. It's just that the Pavarotti's are few and far between. You can't take a few months of singing lessons and then think you're ready for Broadway. There are a few out-and-out charlatans out there motivated by pure greed who are preying on the naivete of the masses, telling them what they want to hear, charging hundreds of dollars to remove curses, or attempting to germinate that psychological dependency. They are fortunately outnumbered by the smiling whole-souled apprentices - still green as grass but nevertheless charging top dollar for vague presentiments and hackneyed maxims.

The most difficult task there is entails taking complete responsibility for one's own life. We live in a world suffused with doubt and noisy confusion, with frightened people demanding - Clarify my problems! Tell me what to believe and how to live! Make sense out of my existence, cause I sure as heck can't! And they consolidate their relative status in the macrocosm through a terrestrial / celestial interdependence - writing Ann Landers, eagerly anticipating the Second Coming, or hoping that Madame Cassandra will look into their rueful eyes, take their fifty dollars, and solve every potential hazard for the year to come.

To summarize: Most people still frequent soothsayers for entertainment purposes. A reading on a Saturday evening seems to be much more fascinating than say, a play by Bertolt Brecht. Psychics are engrossing human beings. But don't expect them to resolve your problems or make decisions for you. It amazes and sometimes dismays me how some people can map out and even systematize their lives around some stranger's preconceptions. Prudent men and women should be able to recognize and differentiate between prophecies that ring true and those which should be immediately blue-penciled out of one's stream of consciousness. There will always be those who look to others for answers, for validation. But truth comes from within. We can access the same information. Each one of us possesses a latent psychic aptitude. We are all channelling each and every day. These messages come to us in the form of hunches - intuitive invitations and admonitions.

The power of free will can put the kibosh on the most unpropitious prognostication - if we are willing to make the effort, to work a change, to believe in ourselves. I personally do admire astrologers who urge clients to be more self-reliant, to listen to the voice of the Master Within, who are charged with positive sentiments, who fill you with positive dreams because, even if that certain prediction doesn't materialize, your train of thought has been piloted into a more resolute, Promethean trajectory. Because when all is said and done (to paraphrase the old proverb) seers can only help those who help themselves.

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The Penultimate Horoscope
by Anonymous

What are you doing here? Don't you realize that you are the master of your own fate; that you create your own reality? Why are you seeking advice and predictions from a total stranger?

Oh well; read on. Come face to face with the astrological facts that no one else will dare publicize to you. Peruse your own sign and the signs of your friends. I think you'll find the concise portrayals below both helpful and trustworthy.

ARIES

Adolph Hitler was born on the cusp but he was definitely an Aries (most astrologers consider him a Taurus but this writer is a Taurus - and I don't want him under my sign). In a nutshell (and I use the word deliberately and axiomatically) that pretty much explicates this particular group.

Okay; I guess I should go into a bit more detail. Aries people are demanding, aggressive, sharp-tongued and hard to live with (and if you do not believe me just read what Mrs. Khrushchev and Mrs. General George Patton had to say). They are callous, not very romantic and in a hurry to get things done (many are graduates of the "wham-bam thank-you ma'am" school of amour).

People born under the sign of the ram are very self-absorbed and always look as if they've just barely survived an acid rain cloudburst. They can be destructive if they don't get their own way. Vincent Van Gogh mutilated himself simply because a local art critic described him as "a primitive; artistically wet behind the ears". One shudders to think what appendage Vinnie would have guillotined if our friendly reviewer had characterized the paintings as "fine examples of prostrate, flaccid sterility".

Many Ariens can be intimidating because of their Mars-ruled forcefulness and it seems as if they have to be first in practically everything that they do (this accounting for the reason why baseball players for the Chicago Cubs are rarely born under this sign).

On the positive side, Arien women do make good mothers (Joan Crawford).

TAURUS

Perhaps you've noticed how acerbated many Taureans become when someone implies that they're not very keen-minded. Taurus people ARE smart. At least twice as intelligent as dromedaries and Japanese beetles. In fact, if you transplanted the average Taurean brain into a bullfrog, it would probably forget how to croak. A typical Taurus would only read a book if it was made mandatory by an Act of Congress.

But what Taureans lack in mental agility they more than make up for in brute physical strength. On one famous Green Bay Packers football team the entire offensive line was composed of stalwarts born under the sign of the bull (average neck size - 29 inches). And there isn't a Taurus alive who doesn't enjoy wining and dining. Many of them develop into Falstaffian, broad in the beam eyesores (Orson Welles, Kate Smith and Golda Meir) and those who do manage to control their weight become escorts and call girls.

Many Taurus folk are exceedingly materialistic. Their ulterior purpose in life is to regularly frequent eating establishments with dress codes, shoot grouse with the Royal Family, get on a first name basis with at least one celebrity or make a small fortune by finally locating the G-spot and writing a book about it that is picked as Oprah's selection of the month. So - a high value is placed on money, affluence and status (Liberace's hot tub was always filled with Nouveau Beaujolais).

And their appetency for stomaching insult is also legendary (Sigmund Freud remaining surprisingly stoic under the constant onslaught of Oedipus complex / penis envy quips; the incessant waggery at the Russian court about not only the fact that Catherine the Great was born under the sign of the bull - but also about what she did with them).

To sum up, these people are stubborn, bland, have a mania to be worshipped and they do not like to be told what to do (which describes our most notable Taurean - Queen Elizabeth II - to a tee). Taureans are sluggish but steady, so never get trapped behind one on a crowded sidewalk.

GEMINI

Many people are attracted to Gemini's and this makes them very much in demand socially. The red light districts from Los Angeles to Bangkok to Amsterdam are saturated with those of the Gemini persuasion. It's gratifying that so many of them adhere to old-fashioned values/morals (don't sleep with anyone until the second date or until you're asked - whichever comes first). And nine out of ten Gemini's can dismantle and then reassemble their battery-powered marital aids blindfolded.

Those born under the sign of the twins are analytical and sagacious for the most part but there are many who exude an impression of scholarship and cultivation whereas, in fact, what insight they do possess may be of a superficial kind at best. So, they like to pass themselves off as well-bred and discerning but, if you examine them very closely on the subway, you'll ascertain that most of them are harboring Harlequin romances and wrestling magazines in their New York Times.

Gemini's are also sexually restless (JFK, Errol Flynn and Brigham Young), good at spreading rumors (the writers at the National Enquirer) and they have an overwhelming passion for pontificating and blathering (union stewards, mothers-in-law, Henry Kissinger).

CANCER

A Cancer would never go OUT of his way to hurt anyone (there are more than enough people IN his way to trample on and mangle). And some of them, like John D. Rockefeller, just hate to see people suffering (and so they leave the room).

Many Cancerians are needy and constantly crave validation (will keep asking "Was it good for you too?" until you finally wake up). Others are quite inventive and will spend years trying to hatch more efficient missile delivery systems, better food additives, anal vibrators and scratch 'n sniff magazine ads.

Of all the signs, Cancer is the most maternal (although this can sometimes be a problem if you happen to be a man). Cancerians are also very patient and traditional but they can find it rather difficult having to face reality / decision making if things don't quite go their way. Unfortunately for Cancerian Henry VIII of England, tranquility tanks and primal scream therapy were not around during his reign and so he had to take his frustrations out on his wives and the Papacy.

LEO

Mae West was a good example of a Leo. Her generosity knew no bounds. She was idealistic, romantic, and put her lovers on pedestals (and on porch swings, rocking chairs, dining tables, banisters, and once in the mezzanine of Carnegie Hall while Leonard Bernstein was conducting Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker).

When you flip the coin you then discover Leo's who are rude, egocentric and possess a vicious petulance (Napoleon, Castro). Benito Mussolini had the trains running on time but that was his only good point.

Leo's usually find presidential State of the Union addresses very stimulating and make excellent bureaucrats because they just love to shuffle papers. Most of them spend their vacations shopping at Sears for a good pair of winter galoshes, going to Jerry Lewis film festivals or reading quotations from George W. Bush speeches to their loved ones.

VIRGO

Lyndon Baines Johnson was a good example of the average Virgoan - not very handsome or adventurous, but basically trustworthy and practical. In other words, a perfect bore. Virgoans spend the better part of their most productive days cracking their knuckles. It may take them up to an hour to get across a busy street. When they receive notice that they have been transferred to Utah, instead of shooting themselves, they smile and spit out cliches like - Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life.

People born under this sign can be passionless and frigid (like Greta Garbo, they want to be left alone). They can also become wrapped up in their professions and interests almost to the detriment of everything else. Nietzsche became so obsessed with his theories of the 'slave morality' and with his concepts of the 'superman' that he didn't realize he had become hopelessly insane until almost two years after the fact - when he was informed by registered mail.

To sum up, people born under the sign of the virgin are conformists, practical, frigid and yet pure. How does this explain Joseph Kennedy Sr., who is also a Virgo? Well, astrology has never claimed to be 100% exact.

LIBRA

People born under the sign of the scales are sometimes a bit hard to stomach. Their conduct/demeanor is so close to the ideal that anyone who is married to such a person has a fairly tough time living up to expectations. Pierre Trudeau was a Libran (and one does not have to ask his ex-wife how she managed living with a Jesuit educated intellectual Prime Minister with a barrel of money, power and charismatic beguilement. It's not easy coupling with a Renaissance Man).

The Libra person is imperturbable and can adjust to any situation smoothly (when her 18 year old son comes home and announces that he has just gotten engaged to a 40 year old table dancer and part-time dominatrix, the libran mother may hold on for hours before retiring to the bathroom and quietly regurgitating her breakfast).

And Libra people possess a very acute sense of artistry and refinement and they dote on beautiful clothes (Hawaiian shirts, leisure suits and polyester pull-overs with tiny crocodiles on them). So why, you may ask, are so many Librans gay (Truman Capote, Oscar Wilde, Eleanor Roosevelt, Gore Vidal)? Well, sad to say, none of the other homophobic signs of the zodiac wanted them.

SCORPIO

People born under the sign of the scorpion can be most authoritative, despotic and even merciless (Marie "Let them eat cake" Antoinette; Indira "Let them eat radhaballabha kachoris" Gandhi; Billy "Let them eat the fire of eternal damnation" Graham and Saint "Let them eat fish on Fridays" Augustine).

Scorpions are renowned for their passion and their rather plethoric sexual proclivities. Prince Charles may look as sexy as peat bog but, before he united in holy wedlock with Lady Diana, he was personally responsible for a 15% rise in the English cuckoldry rate. You would be surprised how many Scorpio's wear medic-alert bracelets reading - "I am NOT having an epileptic seizure. What you are witnessing is a simple case of libidinal thrombosis. I'm horny!"

Scorpions are also very bright, thorough and analytical (many of them attributing their mental agility to electro-shock therapy).These are the people you talk to if you want a study done on the after-effects of a nuclear missile detonating in the middle of Boise, Idaho. They will tell you the exact number of survivors, where the nearest radiation-free Burger King should be located, and approximately how many weeks it will take before your next garbage pickup.

SAGITTARIUS

The symbol of the Sagittarian is the centaur - half horse / half man. You can make of that what you will.

Sagittarius folks are a fairly diverse group. They can be honest to a fault (Jane Fonda has told us more about herself than most of us really wanted to know). They have an abundance of physical and sexual vitality (Sinatra and Billy the Kid expressing their effervescence in contradistinct ways). They can be fat and jolly (Churchill) or fat and funereal (Leonid Brezhnev).

Sagittarians spend a lot of time standing around at office parties and laughing at the manager's jokes. They do not suffer the sin of pride and will eagerly adopt any workable idea better than their own (but most ideas are - and so, I guess they have little choice in the matter). They enjoy the simple pleasures of life - listening to Boxcar Willy, watching Roller Derby and snacking on celery sticks with Cheese Whiz.

People born under this sign have also been known to take senseless risks (General Custer) but the sharp-witted cream of the crop can become successful entrepreneurs. You usually find them selling sandwiches and souvenirs at accidents, celebrity trials and public executions.

CAPRICORN

Most Capricornians fall into three categories: conservative (J. Edgar Hoover); psychotic (J. Edgar Hoover); and dead (J. Edgar Hoover). Like the goat which symbolizes their sign, they adjust to any and all frowns of fortune in order to reach their goals (Stalin did not let a few million starving Russian peasants stand in his way. The reverend Billy Van Bassen, convinced that rock-and-roll and, in particular, the Rolling Stones, were agents of the devil, spent 900 hours playing all of their records backwards until he finally succeeded. Listening to Let's Spend The Night Together at 78 rpm, he distinctly heard the phrase - God is Doo Doo).

There has never been nor will there ever be a Capricorn sugar daddy. Capricornians are just too greedy. People born under this sign who happen to run cafeterias and greasy spoon rathskellers have probably been deep frying your potatoes in the same oleic ooze for years. Instead of enjoying a night at the theatre or at a club, Capricorn lotharios take their sweethearts to the local schoolyard for a break-dancing exhibition. And need I tell you that it was a Berkley Capricorn who initiated the 'poor look' fashion craze in the early '60s by wearing his threadbare bottom, hole-in-the-knees jeans to Political Science class. Everyone thought he was making a statement. What he was making was a small fortune by investing his government student loan in the commodities market.

AQUARIUS

People born under the sign of the water bearer trust and see the good in everyone and everything. They will tell you that Reverend Jim Jones (of Jonestown massacre fame) was misunderstood; that the Ayatollah Khomeini was just going through a phase.

Aquarians are not subtle human beings - lacing themselves with enough Brut for Men or imitation musk to paralyze houseflies in mid-air and thinking they can pick up women in singles bars with memorized erotic extracts from the Playboy Advisor. They worry a lot also - trying to find solutions to, for example, the internecine strife between Coke and Pepsi. And many Aquarians are right at home as impersonators, entertainers and comedians (Ronald Reagan).

Eccentrics make up a significant minority of this group. Three of them formed the first Pia Zadora fan club. Another group is committing to memory every one of Gerald Ford's speeches (so that they won't be lost to posterity in case there is a world-wide conflagration). And one Aquarian has recently become California's first New Wave interior decorator (drawing up plans for a series of mood rooms to be designed specifically for neurotics, existentialists, nihilists and manic-depressives).

PISCES

The symbolic representation of this final sign of the zodiac is two fish swimming in opposite directions. This betokens the fact that most Pisceans are schizophrenic. It's not that they're not sweet and engaging as people, but they really have no idea where they're going or what they want out of life. One day they're selling bust developers door-to-door and the next, they've decided that they want to become professional Flamenco dancers. The world would surely be a much safer place if Pisceans were not allowed to vote, drive cars or bear children.

Pisceans love getting married (Elizabeth Taylor) and they usually do it until they get it right. They are easy marks for a sob story and if you tell them that you need a few thousand dollars (to buy 20 kilo's of Acapulco Gold in order to ransom your grandmother from the clutches of a gang of Mohammedan kidnappers), they'll go for it.

Pisces people love the mysterious and they occasionally dabble in the black arts. One is presently employed by the U.S. government as an economic advisor and he submits weekly reports after gazing into his crystal ball and meticulously studying the entrails of dead beavers.

And North American laboratories have nothing to worry about if they happen to run out of white rats for their cancer experiments (the disease, not the sign). Pisceans will be quite happy to volunteer.

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